- my mother, after a friend tried to justify why some black men disrespect black women (via youngblackandvegan)
You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend.
But then, then comes the fateful moment where you find out that all this time, he’s only seen you as a potential girlfriend. And then if you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I’ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date.
I tell him how much I enjoy his company, how much I value his friendship. I tell him that I really want to be his friend and to continue hanging out with him and talking about our favorite books or exploring new restaurants or making fun of avant-garde theatre productions. But he rejects me. He doesn’t answer my calls or e-mails; if we’d been making plans to do something before this fateful incident, these plans mysteriously fail to materialize. (This is why I never did get around to seeing the Hunger Games movie. Not to name any names, but thanks a lot, Tom.) Later, when I run into him at social events, our conversations are awkward and lukewarm. This is because the moment we met, he put me in the girlfriend-zone, and now he can’t see me as friend material.
I must say that I find this really unfair. I mean, I’m a nice girl. I have a lot to offer as a friend, like not being a douchebag and stuff. But males just don’t want to be friends with nice girls like me. They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with. It’s true—I know this because I studied hominids in my fifth-grade science class.
So what’s the answer? Should I take up mammoth-hunting in an attempt to appeal to the friendship centers of men’s primal lizardbrains? Should I keep making guy “friends” and then prevent them from making a move on me by subtly undermining their self-confidence? Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all? I don’t know. I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone.
Lawd, all kinds of yes to this!
Tony Goldwyn’s interview in People Most Beautiful in 2013 issue. H/T: caramelcandy82 + @scandal_olitz
Because of the, uh, content in Scandal, I wanted to make sure I was eating well. We tease each other on set-set about how much we’re starving ourselves. So last night I had a cheeseburger fries, and a beer, and that was a nice indulgence.
A couple of years ago I decided to learn to snowboard, so I took lessons. On my second day I fell and shattered my wrist and had to have a plate put in it. Some things I’m just too old to learn.
LAST GOOD DEED
I was a stoplight the day before yesterday and saw a man with the most lovely face holding a sign saying he was in a rough financial shape. I rolled down my window and gave him 20 bucks. I always try and do that; it’s so easy to just turn away.
LAST TIME I CRIED
My daughters will tell you I cry pretty easily. I’m really nervous for their weddings because I just know I’m going to make a total fool of myself.
LAST TIME I SAID I WAS SORRY
The other day on the phone with my wife [Jane Musky] because we had some stupid, meaningless argument, so I said I was sorry. Then I realized how effective it is!
This interview is further proof of how humbled Tony Goldwyn truly is.